First Night in Village

November 14th, 2008

Things That I Learned On My First Day in a Real Village:

1. Bed nets do not work. Tuck them under your mattress all you want… be prepared to share your sheets with a few spideys and other interesting creatures.
2. You are a foolish Toubab. It doesn’t matter that you’ve graduated college with a bachelor’s degree and can spell anything in the world; the fact of the matter is, you have no idea what these people are saying to you and you pee everywhere BUT in the latrine. Epic failure.
3. Do not eat your dinner on the floor. Do not continue chewing your rice if you bite into something crunchy… it is not a spare bean, it is not an undercooked piece of rice, it is a BEETLE and it is NOT how you should be getting your protein.
4. Cockroaches can fly. Most of the time, directly at you.
5. Inviting the local children into your house once means they will come in whenever they want, whether you are attempting a bucket bath or not.
6. Why would they call it a bucket bath if you can’t fit into the bucket? Splashing water on yourself really doesn’t constitute as bathing. Oh well… swipe on a few more things of Secret and you should be good to go for the time being.
7. Don’t wear tampons [this one coming from Whitney]. They will become lodged inside you and the string will suddenly disappear. You will attempt fishing it out and then your language professor will walk in. Try explaining that one.
8.You will be joyously happy one minute and the next you will be sitting underneath your bed net that doesn’t really net the bugs crying. Hysterically. Convinced you are crazy. Listening to Brandy and KCi and JoJo and other depressingly sickeningly old school songs.
9. When the nurse tells you to filter your water and then put 2 drops of bleach into it, that doesn’t mean dump in the whole bottle, causing your water to be sweet AND warm and ultimately poisoning you.
10. Convincing yourself that you can do this, that you can stay and go through this amazingly terrifying experience will be the hardest thing you can do. Lean on those who have gone through it before. Text and call your neighboring PCT’s. Share your fears about this blasted latrine. Or better yet, just conquer it. In my case, the most regular person in the world, I cannot go. I just can’t do it. Lord help me when I get dysentery.