Trying to Stay Hopeful/Positive

Well, it’s the day after Christmas, and once again, I had another dizzy attack this morning at 5am. To keep all of us sane, we decided to have a big slumber party at Marnie’s [they had us bike home around 3 on Christmas Day]. We were all feeling a little homesick, so it was nice to be together. I got up 3 times during the night to go pee, and then at 5am on the dot, I woke up to my world completely ending. I wanted to die. I am pretty sure I screamed/started moaning, because Lizzy and Marnie came rushing into the living room area and there I was, on the floor, pretty much naked, sweating, writhing on the floor. Sound pretty? It wasn’t. It was disgusting. I broke out into the most insane sweat, my head was on fire, the rest of my body cold… the girls were freaking out. Then, of course, I got violently ill… I was like, someone needs to help me get out of this house before I throw up all over Marnie’s nice linoleum floor. Poor Lizzy, she literally had to carry me to the latrine area where I completely wanted to end my life. My world was spinning, my stomach was cramping, I was sweaty and hot and wanted to die. After that, I dragged my sleeping bag outside and crawled into it by the latrine, not leaving until 10am when the sun came out and it started getting hot. Then I crawled back inside and lied on Marnie’s couch until I biked home around 1. And here I am, feeling not the best, but not feeling the worst, either. Just confused, and scared. I wanted to come home so bad today… I can’t even begin to describe how awful the dizziness is. I literally feel like I am dying. I don’t know what’s going on and that scares me, considering I am thousands of miles [and an ocean] away from home.

Anyway. Bedtime is usually my favorite part of the day, but now I am terrified to go to sleep, because that’s when the dizziness comes. If it would just come and go away, that’d be one thing, but it completely consumes my entire day. Not so fun. And I’m getting a bit sick of crying/wanting to be home. I just need to be well, figure this out, and get on with my life here. I am here only. I am here because I want to be, and I do want to make changes and get started on my projects. It would be a shame for something like this to cause me to go home… ugh but if it keeps up, I may start panicking. Coincidence that this always happens on Fridays, 2 days after I take my larium, one day after I eat Durango?

Anyway. I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas :o]

Christmas Eve

Our 27km hike through mud. Yeah, this happened. No, I cannot completely clean my clothes since this.
Lizzy & I. You will never see me look this happy to be hiking again.
AFRICA :o]

It’s Christmas Eve, and I am back at Tendaba. Today, to help keep our minds off the fact that it was Christmas Eve, they had us all go on a 27km trek through the African wilderness. Sound easy? Yeah, I thought so as well, until I devoured two spam sandwiches before 11:30am and proceeded to have insane diarrhea underneath a tree in the middle of a rice paddy. Yeah, it happened. TWICE. I had Liz take guard, as in, don’t let the rest of the 25 people in our group walk down the road as I am attempting to find a prime area to completely unleash a demon. Pretty brutal.

The scenery was breathtaking and we had a good time overall. My legs are wicked sore right now and the blisters on my foot aren’t exactly attractive, but I got in an amazing shower and I feel GREAT. I’m planning on posting a video of Marnie getting stuck waist-high in mud… she drops the F bomb every two seconds because she was terrified that she was going to die, but I find it pretty humorous. Needless to say, I am a Mountain Woman… minus all the hair.

I got to talk to my mum and brother tonight, which was amazing :o] The owner of Tendaba allowed us a few free drinks, and Mike, our Country Director, sent up a bag full of Christmas cookies and cakes. DELICIOUS. You would be amazed at how good ‘American’ food tastes after you have lived off rice. I’m not even 2 months in! I’m in big trouble…. :o]

Right now, Lizzy and I are lotioning up our pathetic feet. I will write more later… Merry Merry Merry Christmas everyone, I love you all so much!

The Meaning of Family

Just a quick blurb --- not the best day, I did not do as well on the language test as I thought. I bolted out of Babucar’s house and headed straight for Whitney’s where I proceeded to cry on her porch as she was fiddling madly with the lock on her door. I am past being capable of feeling shame. Needless to say, Tammy soon filed in with Brendan on her heels. I have never felt more like I had a family here than I did today. I realize that I was acting absurd but for some reason, it really set me off. They were all there for me in their own ways; in fact, Brendan suggested we have a Christmas party tonight to help cheer me up. Whitney and I biked to Kwinella, bought a kilogram of macaroni, a can of tomato paste, clove of garlic, and 5 loaves of bread. We just made the most amazing pasta dinner ever… Brendan brought white chocolate covered Christmas tree pretzels with green and red sprinkles. He also grabbed some gingerbread cookies he had received in the mail. Tammy showed up with her bag full of Christmas room spray, hot apple cider packets & hot chocolate packets, and her iPod with speakers, tuned to the Christmas genre. We have been rocking out and celebrating Christmas the only way we know how in this hot, tiny village.

Well, time for me to pack this up, we are hooking up Brendan’s PSP to my computer so we can watch Charlie Brown’s Christmas. I am a bit homesick but also feeling so blessed to be surrounded by such amazing people.

I’ll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams….

6 Days 'til Christmas...

I AM HOME SWEET HOME AND IT FEELS AMAZING! :o] I am back in the boom and feeling wonderful. I climbed off my bike and little naked Ousman came running up to me, dancing with his pink scarf and saying Mandinkan nonsense in his high-pitched voice. He makes my life here so much better. After giving him a high-five, I immediately asked where Faatu was… and she’s still in Kombo. After talking to my mothers, I found out that she is still really ill and they aren’t sure what her status is or when she will be home. This breaks my heart… I love this little girl. I miss her constant company amongst this herd of boys that my compound is composed of.

Anyway, on to a lighter topic. I talked with my family for almost an hour today, and it was HEAVENLY. I am in the most amazing mood, which usually is foretelling sickness [for further evidence, see below posts. Notice any coincidences? I rest my case]. Marse is doing amazing, she’s really doing wonderfully with the modeling gig and I am SUPER proud of her. She wrote a 23-page thesis that my mum edited [there are so many reasons why my family is extraordinary!] and she finished her finals last week. Zeke-o just finished finals a few days ago and is home as well. I have such respect for him, he is bearing an incredible load of science and math classes. I don’t know how he does it… I wish I had half of his intelligence! So proud of you too, Zeke. You’re in such a difficult program and you’re working hard… I just might have to put a post on your Facebook wall about it. Haha. “God Kasey, you’re such an idiot!”

So I am sitting underneath my bednet and I can hear the crickets outside. I just had white rice for dinner and some baobob crackers. I highly recommend Googling a baobob tree, they are very interesting. The fruit looks like it has a tail and it is fuzzy. Inside is chalky and the people make it into a drink. It’s wicked good for you and has a ton of nutrients but I can’t handle the tail, or the fact that you have to climb trees to get them.

Speaking of which, saw a pack of monkeys the other day when I was biking to Bambako! A whole 25ish of them went sprinting across the road not even 16 feet in front of me. It was unreal! Definitely reminded me of where I was :o]

Well, sadly enough I am tired and need to catch up on my sleep. I have a busy day of language learning tomorrow… and I am proud to say that I think I completely aced my language test yesterday. I should know my results tomorrow! :o]

I hope everyone is in the Christmas spirit and loving life as much as I. God be with you.

Tendaba Dos... or Fula, if we're using Mandinka

I’m seriously not loving being here at Tendaba. I love my roommates and being with everyone, but I really miss my host family. And I’m concerned about Faatu and hope she is doing okay… I’m at the point where I can’t remember what I’ve written and what I haven’t, so long story short: she’s really sick and is in Kombo. I’ve heard nothing since they took the GeleGele on Wednesday. She better be back and in nothing but good health when I return home to Bumari.

[Quick definition of a GeleGele: think of an old school Volkswagon bus used as a ‘bush taxi’. Fill it to the maximum with Gambians and Senegalese. Stack large piles of plastic chairs, luggage, goats, rams, sometimes even sheep on the top of this bus. VERY dangerous… we’ve had several tip over. I am determined to get a picture, it’s ridiculous and borderline insanity… and by that I mean, it is PURE INSANITY].

Lizzy and I had our first language session with Ida today to learn our second language, Sarahule. A little overwhelming, considering we have our second language test in Mandinka in 2 days. I’m excited to be learning about all the different groups in the Gambia and to become fluent in their languages, but it’s a lot to take in at once. I mean, in less than 3 weeks we will be by ourselves in a village with no language or cultural facilitator. On our own. YIKES! I’m terrified yet super excited all at the same time.

Just wanted to write a quick blurb before I headed off to get dinner. YUMMM. Still can’t believe I’ve lost 9 pounds since being here, what with everything I eat.

Tendaba

Well, I’m back at Tendaba and I am drunk blogging. Over here in the Gam, they sell such things as Gin, Whiskey, and Brandy packets at bars for 5 dalasi each… which in American money totals about twenty cents. Needless to say, when we went on one of our field trips to Soma, a bunch of people stocked up on gin packets and that was my dinner tonight. Sometimes, you just need a piece of home… even if it comes in a little plastic bag.

I guess I should start by describing Tendaba. Basically, it is a camp in a small village in The Gambia. It is right on the river and is full of mosquitoes. There are a bunch of huts and motel-style rooms, with a few buildings [used for training purposes], a couple bars [excellent], and a kitchen/buffet/dinner area. I’m not a huge fan of the place itself, but I love being around everyone again. I have made such amazing bonds and relationships with so many of my fellow trainees that I feel so blessed to actually have them in my life, even though I’ve known them for not even 2 months.

ANYWAY. Received some mail today, a few packages and a card from Andy. A little heart-wrenching… but something I needed to read. I guess I have a few things to say. One, I’m in this for the long run. I don’t plan on coming home anytime soon. This is something that has taken root inside my heart and it has blossomed into this amazing need. I’m here, and I’m going to do what I set out to do; I need to just find the means to do it.

This isn’t to say that I don’t miss home, because I do at times, however, I don’t have any desire to be home. It sounds awful… but I’m here for a reason, and it feels right.

Anyway, I’m going to head back down to the bar.
Love love loves.

Reflections & Testicle Soup

I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on my Peace Corps process. I remember panicking more than once, worried that they would not want me to serve. I asked my mother on more than one occasion, “What will I do if they don’t want me?” I put my everything into coming here to serve, banking my entire life on this one decision that would either make or break my very near future. It’s crazy to think of it now, as I am here, sitting here writing about a time when I was terrified one day and excited the next. I can adamantly say that so far, nothing has happened like I thought it would, and I am very glad about that. Every experience I have undergone has tested me, who I am, and the very core of my being. I feel as if I have proved myself on more than one occasion. It truly sounds ridiculous and I can admit that, but it is also something that cannot be understood unless you go through it. Again, I’m sorry for the absurdity of this. I have a lot of thoughts in my head and it’s rather difficult to unscramble them.

Basically, I didn’t realize just how much I was capable of doing until I got here. I rely so much on myself, and on God, that it is extraordinary. The past week has been very trying, where I have had diarrhea 15+ times a day. I have been weak, lost weight because I couldn’t eat, and was all-around miserable. Still, I pushed through and went on the field trips, did my work, spent time with my family. Took matters into my own hands, stayed hydrated… it’s scary to be sick over here because you have such a lack of resources. The nurses told me to change my diet but it’s nearly impossible. All I have to eat here is rice and potatoes. So, I dove into the granola bars my mum sent me [thanks mum! They’re delish].

I sent my mother a letter about a week ago. I am hoping she types it out and posts it or forwards it to everyone, as I wrote a lot about my experiences so far. I wish everyone were here to feel what I feel. It is different every second of every day, and the process of taking just one small step on the African soil can cause me to have epiphanies. But I am truly in love with this place, this situation that I am in, the journey I am on. I’m glad you are all able to be on it with me :o]

Know that you are all in my hearts and prayers, always. If anything, I pray more than ever…. Perhaps it’s because my host father is the imam, or because people around me pray 5 times a day :o] But regardless. I reflect a lot on my home life, and while I miss certain superficial things [ie. Snow, Christmas, decorations, songs, food], I honestly don’t have a physical desire to be home. I know this will probably change and it’s only been 5 weeks, but it’s been a difficult 5 weeks. And not to get on my soapbox but, I’m kind of proud of myself.

Anyway, I’m at Babokar’s right now with Whitney listening to Christmas music. I’m about to make some hot chocolate and put this thing away, my battery is at 38% and quickly dying. I spoke on the phone with my mum today and it was wonderful. I love her so much and couldn’t do this without her continuous support, as well as the support from my sister and brother [although Zeke, if Chase answers the phone again when I phone you and he calls me ‘dear’, I’m going to kill him].

You’re all in my hearts…. Merry Christmas & Razzleberry Dressing :o]

[this next part was written 2 hours later]

I am back at Babokar’s. I was served dry cous with a side of ram testicle soup for lunch, so Tammy and I are making EasyMac on the gas ‘stove.’ I wish I was kidding. I tried one piece of testicle, couldn’t get past the fact that it was slimy-chewy and smelled like dead, wet cat, and came up here.

Oh, This Is AFRICA.

Tobasci

The naming ceremony... I am Isatou Demba, aka Saatu Demba, aka Isa! I realize I look like ET!
At the RCH Clinic with Whitney... this little baby's shirt said "Toubab" which means 'white person' or 'foreigner'. We get yelled that a LOT here.
My host mum [who is 25], Isatou, her son Ousman, [aka my future husband] and Fatou, my best friend, Isatou's niece. They are dressed beautifully for Tobasci!


Today is Tobasci. Tobasci is an Islam holiday that celebrates when God told Abraham to kill his older son, Isaac [or Ishmael, here]. When Abraham went to kill his son, Isaac/Ishmael turned into a goat and his life was spared. Here in little Bumari [and all of The Gambia] it is a huge celebration. I was in my backyard catching up on some homework when I heard one of my younger host brothers screaming. Thinking he was in danger, I ran through my house and out the front just in time to see 5 men holding down a ram and one of my older brothers slitting its’ throat. OHHHHHKAYYYY now. A little too much for me to see… so of course I turned right back around and went back into the house.

Curiosity obviously got the best of me so I peeked out my window. The ram was dead and they were arranging the head so the blood would drain. I almost vomited all over myself and retreated to the solitude of my backyard. I will eat the meat they serve me, yes, but watching them gut and skin a live animal is not my cup of tea.

About 30 minutes later, I heard a dragging noise. Sure enough, my family was bringing the carcass behind my latrine/backyard area. Within minutes I had about 8 buzzards flocking around. So much for peace and solitude today.

Everyone is dressed in their finest, in the most beautiful fabrics with the nicest shoes and purses. The girls are adorning beautiful hair with clips, while the men have fashionable hats on. Soon the children will be running around yelling “saliboo, saliboo!” which is like Halloween when we say, “Trick or treat!” I have a bag of mintees ready for them [have I mentioned mintees yet? They are not mints. They are not even candies. They are menthol cough drops and people, not just children, devour them here. Not something you see every day in America]. Today has been exhausting in ways, which is strange to me, considering this is my first full “personal day” I’ve had. Lots of homework and studying for me, and attempting to understand the conversations around me.

Well, just got a text from Andy. I guess it’s snowing like crazy at home… makes me smile :o] I hope you are all loving the Christmas decorations out everywhere, the songs on the radio, the beautifully decorated church sanctuaries. I know I am missing the annual Christmas concert and the Christmas Eve service, which will be hard, as I love them and my Christmas season is not complete without them. But I am here, I am doing God’s work, and I do love it here. God bless all of you :o]

I'm Still Alive... and rejuvenated :o]

I went to an RCH Clinic today and it was absolutely amazing. From 8-noon I rotated shifts between weighing babies, de-worming them [not easy, I came home with a bunch of vomit on my pants], giving them their vitamins, watching injections be given, and giving pre-natal exams with pregnant women. I cannot even begin to describe how extraordinary this experience was. It was probably the first time since being here that I actually felt as if I was doing something, instead of observing the wonder going on around me.

We arrived around 8 this morning and there was a group of women with babies/children under the age of 5 sitting on benches waiting for us. When the RCH nurse showed up, it was instant chaos; Sarah, one of the PCV’s who is leaving in April, was like, “Okay, who wants to weigh babies?” I instantly raised my hand and a baby was thrust into my arms. Analyzing their immunization cards and noting their weight change was fun, albeit crazy-hectic at times. Trying to explain in Mandinka that their baby has lost an extreme amount of weight in only a month was difficult… most women would not tell you their child was sick unless you came right out and asked.

During a pre-natal visit with one expectant mother, another mother rushed in with her 2 week old baby girl swaddled in fabric. Pushing aside the cloth, she showed the midwife her child was completely covered in a bacterial skin infection and was refusing to nurse. It was heartbreaking. The most the midwife could do was prescribe hydrocortisone cream and send her on her way… and recommend a legit clinic/hospital. The rest was left in the mother’s hands.

A pre-natal exam for a pregnant woman over here consists of the following:
1. Get Weight. Most of these women were 7 months along and I weighed a good 15 pounds more than them. A bit disturbing…. I need to lay off the rice.
2. Blood pressure. We were taught how to do this, and it is an old-school BP machine, also difficult to hear the pulse with hundreds of screaming children in the room next door.
3. Bring the woman into the next room, have her lay down. The nurse can tell how far through her term a woman is by the position of the bellybutton. She would then place her fingers on the bellybutton and count the length until it reached the sternum. If the woman was 36+ weeks along she would grab the head of the baby [or at least search for it]. We were able to do this… to feel the baby’s head from outside the womb. Very intense! Amazing.
4. Try to find baby’s heartbeat.
5. Depending on how far along, give her vitamins and anti-malaria medicine.

Yup, that’s it. Pretty astounding! These women are incredibly resilient. Honestly. I am still in shock over the things I saw today.

Anyway, I am off to make neem cream with my host family. Neem leaves are off a tree and act as a natural mosquito repellant. By creating a lotion, people here are more likely to use it. So off to do my second good deed of the day :o]

Love & hugs…. And completely happy & content with where I am & what I’m doing right now…

Ps. Marsey goes for a hair modeling audition today at 2pm! I am so excited for her and wish I was home to experience this with her. I will patiently await her phone call tonight around 8pm :o] love you sissy!!!!