Trying to Stay Hopeful/Positive

Well, it’s the day after Christmas, and once again, I had another dizzy attack this morning at 5am. To keep all of us sane, we decided to have a big slumber party at Marnie’s [they had us bike home around 3 on Christmas Day]. We were all feeling a little homesick, so it was nice to be together. I got up 3 times during the night to go pee, and then at 5am on the dot, I woke up to my world completely ending. I wanted to die. I am pretty sure I screamed/started moaning, because Lizzy and Marnie came rushing into the living room area and there I was, on the floor, pretty much naked, sweating, writhing on the floor. Sound pretty? It wasn’t. It was disgusting. I broke out into the most insane sweat, my head was on fire, the rest of my body cold… the girls were freaking out. Then, of course, I got violently ill… I was like, someone needs to help me get out of this house before I throw up all over Marnie’s nice linoleum floor. Poor Lizzy, she literally had to carry me to the latrine area where I completely wanted to end my life. My world was spinning, my stomach was cramping, I was sweaty and hot and wanted to die. After that, I dragged my sleeping bag outside and crawled into it by the latrine, not leaving until 10am when the sun came out and it started getting hot. Then I crawled back inside and lied on Marnie’s couch until I biked home around 1. And here I am, feeling not the best, but not feeling the worst, either. Just confused, and scared. I wanted to come home so bad today… I can’t even begin to describe how awful the dizziness is. I literally feel like I am dying. I don’t know what’s going on and that scares me, considering I am thousands of miles [and an ocean] away from home.

Anyway. Bedtime is usually my favorite part of the day, but now I am terrified to go to sleep, because that’s when the dizziness comes. If it would just come and go away, that’d be one thing, but it completely consumes my entire day. Not so fun. And I’m getting a bit sick of crying/wanting to be home. I just need to be well, figure this out, and get on with my life here. I am here only. I am here because I want to be, and I do want to make changes and get started on my projects. It would be a shame for something like this to cause me to go home… ugh but if it keeps up, I may start panicking. Coincidence that this always happens on Fridays, 2 days after I take my larium, one day after I eat Durango?

Anyway. I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas :o]

Christmas Eve

Our 27km hike through mud. Yeah, this happened. No, I cannot completely clean my clothes since this.
Lizzy & I. You will never see me look this happy to be hiking again.
AFRICA :o]

It’s Christmas Eve, and I am back at Tendaba. Today, to help keep our minds off the fact that it was Christmas Eve, they had us all go on a 27km trek through the African wilderness. Sound easy? Yeah, I thought so as well, until I devoured two spam sandwiches before 11:30am and proceeded to have insane diarrhea underneath a tree in the middle of a rice paddy. Yeah, it happened. TWICE. I had Liz take guard, as in, don’t let the rest of the 25 people in our group walk down the road as I am attempting to find a prime area to completely unleash a demon. Pretty brutal.

The scenery was breathtaking and we had a good time overall. My legs are wicked sore right now and the blisters on my foot aren’t exactly attractive, but I got in an amazing shower and I feel GREAT. I’m planning on posting a video of Marnie getting stuck waist-high in mud… she drops the F bomb every two seconds because she was terrified that she was going to die, but I find it pretty humorous. Needless to say, I am a Mountain Woman… minus all the hair.

I got to talk to my mum and brother tonight, which was amazing :o] The owner of Tendaba allowed us a few free drinks, and Mike, our Country Director, sent up a bag full of Christmas cookies and cakes. DELICIOUS. You would be amazed at how good ‘American’ food tastes after you have lived off rice. I’m not even 2 months in! I’m in big trouble…. :o]

Right now, Lizzy and I are lotioning up our pathetic feet. I will write more later… Merry Merry Merry Christmas everyone, I love you all so much!

The Meaning of Family

Just a quick blurb --- not the best day, I did not do as well on the language test as I thought. I bolted out of Babucar’s house and headed straight for Whitney’s where I proceeded to cry on her porch as she was fiddling madly with the lock on her door. I am past being capable of feeling shame. Needless to say, Tammy soon filed in with Brendan on her heels. I have never felt more like I had a family here than I did today. I realize that I was acting absurd but for some reason, it really set me off. They were all there for me in their own ways; in fact, Brendan suggested we have a Christmas party tonight to help cheer me up. Whitney and I biked to Kwinella, bought a kilogram of macaroni, a can of tomato paste, clove of garlic, and 5 loaves of bread. We just made the most amazing pasta dinner ever… Brendan brought white chocolate covered Christmas tree pretzels with green and red sprinkles. He also grabbed some gingerbread cookies he had received in the mail. Tammy showed up with her bag full of Christmas room spray, hot apple cider packets & hot chocolate packets, and her iPod with speakers, tuned to the Christmas genre. We have been rocking out and celebrating Christmas the only way we know how in this hot, tiny village.

Well, time for me to pack this up, we are hooking up Brendan’s PSP to my computer so we can watch Charlie Brown’s Christmas. I am a bit homesick but also feeling so blessed to be surrounded by such amazing people.

I’ll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams….

6 Days 'til Christmas...

I AM HOME SWEET HOME AND IT FEELS AMAZING! :o] I am back in the boom and feeling wonderful. I climbed off my bike and little naked Ousman came running up to me, dancing with his pink scarf and saying Mandinkan nonsense in his high-pitched voice. He makes my life here so much better. After giving him a high-five, I immediately asked where Faatu was… and she’s still in Kombo. After talking to my mothers, I found out that she is still really ill and they aren’t sure what her status is or when she will be home. This breaks my heart… I love this little girl. I miss her constant company amongst this herd of boys that my compound is composed of.

Anyway, on to a lighter topic. I talked with my family for almost an hour today, and it was HEAVENLY. I am in the most amazing mood, which usually is foretelling sickness [for further evidence, see below posts. Notice any coincidences? I rest my case]. Marse is doing amazing, she’s really doing wonderfully with the modeling gig and I am SUPER proud of her. She wrote a 23-page thesis that my mum edited [there are so many reasons why my family is extraordinary!] and she finished her finals last week. Zeke-o just finished finals a few days ago and is home as well. I have such respect for him, he is bearing an incredible load of science and math classes. I don’t know how he does it… I wish I had half of his intelligence! So proud of you too, Zeke. You’re in such a difficult program and you’re working hard… I just might have to put a post on your Facebook wall about it. Haha. “God Kasey, you’re such an idiot!”

So I am sitting underneath my bednet and I can hear the crickets outside. I just had white rice for dinner and some baobob crackers. I highly recommend Googling a baobob tree, they are very interesting. The fruit looks like it has a tail and it is fuzzy. Inside is chalky and the people make it into a drink. It’s wicked good for you and has a ton of nutrients but I can’t handle the tail, or the fact that you have to climb trees to get them.

Speaking of which, saw a pack of monkeys the other day when I was biking to Bambako! A whole 25ish of them went sprinting across the road not even 16 feet in front of me. It was unreal! Definitely reminded me of where I was :o]

Well, sadly enough I am tired and need to catch up on my sleep. I have a busy day of language learning tomorrow… and I am proud to say that I think I completely aced my language test yesterday. I should know my results tomorrow! :o]

I hope everyone is in the Christmas spirit and loving life as much as I. God be with you.

Tendaba Dos... or Fula, if we're using Mandinka

I’m seriously not loving being here at Tendaba. I love my roommates and being with everyone, but I really miss my host family. And I’m concerned about Faatu and hope she is doing okay… I’m at the point where I can’t remember what I’ve written and what I haven’t, so long story short: she’s really sick and is in Kombo. I’ve heard nothing since they took the GeleGele on Wednesday. She better be back and in nothing but good health when I return home to Bumari.

[Quick definition of a GeleGele: think of an old school Volkswagon bus used as a ‘bush taxi’. Fill it to the maximum with Gambians and Senegalese. Stack large piles of plastic chairs, luggage, goats, rams, sometimes even sheep on the top of this bus. VERY dangerous… we’ve had several tip over. I am determined to get a picture, it’s ridiculous and borderline insanity… and by that I mean, it is PURE INSANITY].

Lizzy and I had our first language session with Ida today to learn our second language, Sarahule. A little overwhelming, considering we have our second language test in Mandinka in 2 days. I’m excited to be learning about all the different groups in the Gambia and to become fluent in their languages, but it’s a lot to take in at once. I mean, in less than 3 weeks we will be by ourselves in a village with no language or cultural facilitator. On our own. YIKES! I’m terrified yet super excited all at the same time.

Just wanted to write a quick blurb before I headed off to get dinner. YUMMM. Still can’t believe I’ve lost 9 pounds since being here, what with everything I eat.

Tendaba

Well, I’m back at Tendaba and I am drunk blogging. Over here in the Gam, they sell such things as Gin, Whiskey, and Brandy packets at bars for 5 dalasi each… which in American money totals about twenty cents. Needless to say, when we went on one of our field trips to Soma, a bunch of people stocked up on gin packets and that was my dinner tonight. Sometimes, you just need a piece of home… even if it comes in a little plastic bag.

I guess I should start by describing Tendaba. Basically, it is a camp in a small village in The Gambia. It is right on the river and is full of mosquitoes. There are a bunch of huts and motel-style rooms, with a few buildings [used for training purposes], a couple bars [excellent], and a kitchen/buffet/dinner area. I’m not a huge fan of the place itself, but I love being around everyone again. I have made such amazing bonds and relationships with so many of my fellow trainees that I feel so blessed to actually have them in my life, even though I’ve known them for not even 2 months.

ANYWAY. Received some mail today, a few packages and a card from Andy. A little heart-wrenching… but something I needed to read. I guess I have a few things to say. One, I’m in this for the long run. I don’t plan on coming home anytime soon. This is something that has taken root inside my heart and it has blossomed into this amazing need. I’m here, and I’m going to do what I set out to do; I need to just find the means to do it.

This isn’t to say that I don’t miss home, because I do at times, however, I don’t have any desire to be home. It sounds awful… but I’m here for a reason, and it feels right.

Anyway, I’m going to head back down to the bar.
Love love loves.

Reflections & Testicle Soup

I’ve been reflecting a lot lately on my Peace Corps process. I remember panicking more than once, worried that they would not want me to serve. I asked my mother on more than one occasion, “What will I do if they don’t want me?” I put my everything into coming here to serve, banking my entire life on this one decision that would either make or break my very near future. It’s crazy to think of it now, as I am here, sitting here writing about a time when I was terrified one day and excited the next. I can adamantly say that so far, nothing has happened like I thought it would, and I am very glad about that. Every experience I have undergone has tested me, who I am, and the very core of my being. I feel as if I have proved myself on more than one occasion. It truly sounds ridiculous and I can admit that, but it is also something that cannot be understood unless you go through it. Again, I’m sorry for the absurdity of this. I have a lot of thoughts in my head and it’s rather difficult to unscramble them.

Basically, I didn’t realize just how much I was capable of doing until I got here. I rely so much on myself, and on God, that it is extraordinary. The past week has been very trying, where I have had diarrhea 15+ times a day. I have been weak, lost weight because I couldn’t eat, and was all-around miserable. Still, I pushed through and went on the field trips, did my work, spent time with my family. Took matters into my own hands, stayed hydrated… it’s scary to be sick over here because you have such a lack of resources. The nurses told me to change my diet but it’s nearly impossible. All I have to eat here is rice and potatoes. So, I dove into the granola bars my mum sent me [thanks mum! They’re delish].

I sent my mother a letter about a week ago. I am hoping she types it out and posts it or forwards it to everyone, as I wrote a lot about my experiences so far. I wish everyone were here to feel what I feel. It is different every second of every day, and the process of taking just one small step on the African soil can cause me to have epiphanies. But I am truly in love with this place, this situation that I am in, the journey I am on. I’m glad you are all able to be on it with me :o]

Know that you are all in my hearts and prayers, always. If anything, I pray more than ever…. Perhaps it’s because my host father is the imam, or because people around me pray 5 times a day :o] But regardless. I reflect a lot on my home life, and while I miss certain superficial things [ie. Snow, Christmas, decorations, songs, food], I honestly don’t have a physical desire to be home. I know this will probably change and it’s only been 5 weeks, but it’s been a difficult 5 weeks. And not to get on my soapbox but, I’m kind of proud of myself.

Anyway, I’m at Babokar’s right now with Whitney listening to Christmas music. I’m about to make some hot chocolate and put this thing away, my battery is at 38% and quickly dying. I spoke on the phone with my mum today and it was wonderful. I love her so much and couldn’t do this without her continuous support, as well as the support from my sister and brother [although Zeke, if Chase answers the phone again when I phone you and he calls me ‘dear’, I’m going to kill him].

You’re all in my hearts…. Merry Christmas & Razzleberry Dressing :o]

[this next part was written 2 hours later]

I am back at Babokar’s. I was served dry cous with a side of ram testicle soup for lunch, so Tammy and I are making EasyMac on the gas ‘stove.’ I wish I was kidding. I tried one piece of testicle, couldn’t get past the fact that it was slimy-chewy and smelled like dead, wet cat, and came up here.

Oh, This Is AFRICA.

Tobasci

The naming ceremony... I am Isatou Demba, aka Saatu Demba, aka Isa! I realize I look like ET!
At the RCH Clinic with Whitney... this little baby's shirt said "Toubab" which means 'white person' or 'foreigner'. We get yelled that a LOT here.
My host mum [who is 25], Isatou, her son Ousman, [aka my future husband] and Fatou, my best friend, Isatou's niece. They are dressed beautifully for Tobasci!


Today is Tobasci. Tobasci is an Islam holiday that celebrates when God told Abraham to kill his older son, Isaac [or Ishmael, here]. When Abraham went to kill his son, Isaac/Ishmael turned into a goat and his life was spared. Here in little Bumari [and all of The Gambia] it is a huge celebration. I was in my backyard catching up on some homework when I heard one of my younger host brothers screaming. Thinking he was in danger, I ran through my house and out the front just in time to see 5 men holding down a ram and one of my older brothers slitting its’ throat. OHHHHHKAYYYY now. A little too much for me to see… so of course I turned right back around and went back into the house.

Curiosity obviously got the best of me so I peeked out my window. The ram was dead and they were arranging the head so the blood would drain. I almost vomited all over myself and retreated to the solitude of my backyard. I will eat the meat they serve me, yes, but watching them gut and skin a live animal is not my cup of tea.

About 30 minutes later, I heard a dragging noise. Sure enough, my family was bringing the carcass behind my latrine/backyard area. Within minutes I had about 8 buzzards flocking around. So much for peace and solitude today.

Everyone is dressed in their finest, in the most beautiful fabrics with the nicest shoes and purses. The girls are adorning beautiful hair with clips, while the men have fashionable hats on. Soon the children will be running around yelling “saliboo, saliboo!” which is like Halloween when we say, “Trick or treat!” I have a bag of mintees ready for them [have I mentioned mintees yet? They are not mints. They are not even candies. They are menthol cough drops and people, not just children, devour them here. Not something you see every day in America]. Today has been exhausting in ways, which is strange to me, considering this is my first full “personal day” I’ve had. Lots of homework and studying for me, and attempting to understand the conversations around me.

Well, just got a text from Andy. I guess it’s snowing like crazy at home… makes me smile :o] I hope you are all loving the Christmas decorations out everywhere, the songs on the radio, the beautifully decorated church sanctuaries. I know I am missing the annual Christmas concert and the Christmas Eve service, which will be hard, as I love them and my Christmas season is not complete without them. But I am here, I am doing God’s work, and I do love it here. God bless all of you :o]

I'm Still Alive... and rejuvenated :o]

I went to an RCH Clinic today and it was absolutely amazing. From 8-noon I rotated shifts between weighing babies, de-worming them [not easy, I came home with a bunch of vomit on my pants], giving them their vitamins, watching injections be given, and giving pre-natal exams with pregnant women. I cannot even begin to describe how extraordinary this experience was. It was probably the first time since being here that I actually felt as if I was doing something, instead of observing the wonder going on around me.

We arrived around 8 this morning and there was a group of women with babies/children under the age of 5 sitting on benches waiting for us. When the RCH nurse showed up, it was instant chaos; Sarah, one of the PCV’s who is leaving in April, was like, “Okay, who wants to weigh babies?” I instantly raised my hand and a baby was thrust into my arms. Analyzing their immunization cards and noting their weight change was fun, albeit crazy-hectic at times. Trying to explain in Mandinka that their baby has lost an extreme amount of weight in only a month was difficult… most women would not tell you their child was sick unless you came right out and asked.

During a pre-natal visit with one expectant mother, another mother rushed in with her 2 week old baby girl swaddled in fabric. Pushing aside the cloth, she showed the midwife her child was completely covered in a bacterial skin infection and was refusing to nurse. It was heartbreaking. The most the midwife could do was prescribe hydrocortisone cream and send her on her way… and recommend a legit clinic/hospital. The rest was left in the mother’s hands.

A pre-natal exam for a pregnant woman over here consists of the following:
1. Get Weight. Most of these women were 7 months along and I weighed a good 15 pounds more than them. A bit disturbing…. I need to lay off the rice.
2. Blood pressure. We were taught how to do this, and it is an old-school BP machine, also difficult to hear the pulse with hundreds of screaming children in the room next door.
3. Bring the woman into the next room, have her lay down. The nurse can tell how far through her term a woman is by the position of the bellybutton. She would then place her fingers on the bellybutton and count the length until it reached the sternum. If the woman was 36+ weeks along she would grab the head of the baby [or at least search for it]. We were able to do this… to feel the baby’s head from outside the womb. Very intense! Amazing.
4. Try to find baby’s heartbeat.
5. Depending on how far along, give her vitamins and anti-malaria medicine.

Yup, that’s it. Pretty astounding! These women are incredibly resilient. Honestly. I am still in shock over the things I saw today.

Anyway, I am off to make neem cream with my host family. Neem leaves are off a tree and act as a natural mosquito repellant. By creating a lotion, people here are more likely to use it. So off to do my second good deed of the day :o]

Love & hugs…. And completely happy & content with where I am & what I’m doing right now…

Ps. Marsey goes for a hair modeling audition today at 2pm! I am so excited for her and wish I was home to experience this with her. I will patiently await her phone call tonight around 8pm :o] love you sissy!!!!

DEATH TAKE ME NOW

Yesterday, I wanted to die.

Truly.

I awoke at about 5am and my world was rocking. Not spinning, but rocking violently. I was clutching the bed with all my might and still felt as if I may fall off. When the rocking finally subsided, my body became instantly hot and I broke out into a cold sweat. Within minutes I was crashing through my door and into my backyard, grabbing at my bucket to hurl in. And upchuck I did. To all of you who have had to hold my hair back as I am crying, whining, complaining about not feeling good and “I can’t puke it just won’t come up”…. You would have been proud yesterday. No tears, just an insane amount of rice. This happened 4 times [with the dizziness]. The second time I awoke to my world rocking, I was throwing up so hard that I nearly went in my pants. So as I am vomiting, I am dragging the bucket to my latrine and voila! Both ends at once. Did you know that’s possible? Well, it is. One of my moms was outside bathing and I could hear her tentatively say, “Saatu?...Saatu saasaa?” Which basically means, Saatu’s sick? Oh yes, I was.

Needless to say, I was a whole bucket of misery [pardon the pun] yesterday. Marnie ended up coming over around 11am and made me some Gatorade and brought me some crackers. I finally stopped throwing up around 1 but the diarrhea has yet to cease, even today. Lucky, lucky me!

Sorry Zekeo for calling and waking you up at not even 6am making you get mom. I guess I haven’t changed in that aspect :o]

Anyway, by 4 last night I was feeling 100x better. Liz and I biked to Bambako and we spent the night at Marnie’s. She has got some insane animals at her place. At around 5am [just before the PA system went off and just after Mice Wars 2008 occurred in her ceiling] a donkey came barreling through her compound braying as loudly as can be. What was on its’ tail? A dog, barking as if he’d lost his head. Absurd, I tell you! But entertaining nonetheless.

I came back this morning so that I could have a one-on-one with Bakary at 8am. I’ve been doing work since 9, getting caught up on what I missed yesterday and just generally trying to get ahead. I’m battling with some homesickness today for some reason. Maybe it’s because I know tomorrow is the first day of December and it doesn’t feel like it. I’m listening to Christmas music right now, but it doesn’t feel the season. I need to find a tree to decorate.

Oh, yeah. Amidst my cleaning this morning, I found a mountain of maggots in my house. FILTHY. I am no longer the girl you once knew…. Between the ants, mice, cat turds, bed bugs, mosquitoes, diarrhea/vomit at the same time, maggots…. Man. How could I not have changed??

Fields of Gold **

Today I walked through fields of gold.

I couldn’t help but think of that song by Sting as Whitney, Brendan and I decided to go exploring in the fields. The deeper we went into the African Savannah, the higher the golden rice grew. Soon, the path had dwindled into a mere spindle and I could hardly see my hand in front of my face. The setting sun cast a golden glow on the heavenly meadow around me, & I was content.

I haven’t written for a few days because I’ve been in Tendaba since Monday going through intensive training. It was wonderful to be with everyone again, but I am not a huge fan of the place. To put it bluntly, it was ant-infested. The river was beautiful [as was all the scenery] but the room I actually stayed in with Marnie was God-awful. I was standing in the bathroom [which is basically a toilet, a sink, a drain, and a hand-held shower head attached to a tube] showering when I noticed massive hoards of ants seeping out of the tiles. I screamed [seems to be my new thing], for everywhere I turned, there was a colony of ants running towards me [do ants run? YES THEY DO].

“Marnie, GET IN HERE!” I yelled, attempting to cover up my boobs with my hands and my other unmentionable with the loofah sponge.
“Are you good?” Marnie asked back.
“JUST GET IN HERE!”

She busted through the door, stares, and goes, “I had no idea you had your belly button pierced!” I just about flipped, pointing to the wall. She proceeded to allow a whole slew of swears to come out of her mouth, said, “That is absolutely disgusting,” and then we moved into the med unit. Pretty much that sums it up. Lizzy, Marnie and I crashed there nearly every night. Thank goodness for small miracles… and I missed Bumari and my host family.

My site is Kuraw Arafang. Swear-in date is January 15th, 2009. I am super-close to some of the most amazing people I have ever met. COME VISIT. I need my home people to meet my PC people.

Well, one of my host moms just brought in my dinner… Durango, DELICIOUS [peanut sauce drizzled on rice]. I am so happy to be back here and eating her food again. It’s amazing.

Miss you all, and hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. I will write more later :o]

A Mouse in a House... or suitcase.

I think it’s entirely too early for me to be feeling this drained already. Maybe I’m getting sick, or maybe I’m already sick of seeing such sickness around me. Yesterday we were drinking aataayah in Tammy’s compound and playing the Gambian version of Crazy 8’s. There was a little boy, probably 5 years old, who had ‘sick eyes.’ He was just standing there, sniffling, his eyes duller than dull. I looked at him, said, “Naa sii” [come sit], and he crawled into my lap. It was instant heat… I am not kidding, the kid was burning up. I am no judge of temperatures but he was well over 103. I just snuggled up to him, rubbed his back, and tried to not focus on the fact that we’d already had one little child pass this past week. I’m not ready for another one.

Not to mention last night I was fishing around in my suitcase for my pajama bottoms when I came across a mouse. Since when am I afraid of mice? I screamed bloody murder and refused to get out from under my bed net. I had to pee and finally crawled out of bed around 1:30am to squat over the latrine. I could hear that blasted thing chewing on my notebooks and I was IRATE…. I finally put my iPod on and fell asleep that way. This morning I completely cleared out my room and suitcases trying to find the wretched rascal… in its’ place, I found mounds and mounds of mouse poop. Ugh.

I am more than ready for a cold bucket bath and sleep, but I have an insane amount of work that I need to get done. And I am yearning for first snowfalls, snowflakes on frosty windows, and twinkling lights on verdant Christmas trees.

Missing home.

Not The Best...

Today started out like every other day has been for me. I first awoke to the sound of my host father’s voice booming over the loudspeaker at 5am, calling all fellow worshippers to join him in the mosque for the first prayer of the day [I live with the imam. He is wonderful]. I dozed off to the quiet Koranic humming until I heard the shifting of morning activity around 7am. My host mothers were gathering rice and beginning to pound it so they could make rice porridge for breakfast. This is usually when I attempt to climb out of my bed, dust the lingering bugs off my body, and walk out into my backyard.

The view never ceases to amaze me. I have taken several pictures but feel as if they don’t do it justice. I cannot begin to explain how amazing it is to take a shower outside, to the sweet melody of birds and to enjoy the majestic view of the African sun crawling over the horizon. Breathtaking.

I then walked the dusty path to Bakary’s house [my language facilitator/professor]. All was going well as we did our daily morning lessons, when suddenly we heard a scream. Hoards of people began running in the direction of my compound, and Bakary immediately followed.

When he came back, he has a somber look on his face… my host sister, Fatou [lovingly nicknamed LeLe], had died en-route to the clinic in Kwinella. The screaming was that of one of my host mothers. I was completely distraught; while I have only been in this village 5 days, this news was enough to break me. Fatou was only 2 and I didn’t realize how sick she truly was. Kwinella is 2km from Bumari [the village I am in]. To think they were steps away from a doctor shakes me to the core… this life could have been spared.

Needless to say, the funeral was the most heart-breaking thing I have ever been through. The women and men are separated… I was sitting adjacent my host mothers but was blocked by a tin door. After the prayers that were led by the men, several women began wailing. I got goosebumps and several of the PCV’s with me began crying. My mother began screaming, “Why, Why, Why?!” and it just did me in.

And now, I sit on my floor in my hut. My compound is quiet, too quiet. Doors are shut that are usually open like loving arms. The children are not running joyously about, kicking my pink soccer ball around the yard. Even the goats have stopped their bleating.

I feel terribly alone, and so sad. It is incredibly difficult, trying to give my condolences to my family, and having this steep language barrier.

I’m not sure when I will be able to post this entry, but I had to write it out while everything was fresh in my mind. These are the times when I miss home, and my ability to express emotions with people who understand me.

I miss you all terribly.

Naming Ceremony

We had our naming ceremony today! My Mandinka name is Saatu Demba, and I absolutely love it. We were all dressed up in beautiful Gambian clothing, were given pancatos [which are like doughnuts…heavenly!], and then danced. Fun, entertaining, and interesting… the entire village showed up for this, so it was pretty cool.

After that, we had a few hours of language training, and then Brendan and I decided to do some goat-hunting. He has the cutest little white goat in his compound [and he still has his umbilical cord, so he’s super young]. We were playing with him and I named him Mustafa. Now everyone in Brendan’s compound calls him that as well… it took me forever to get the kids to understand that I was not going to call him ‘Baba’, which is mandinka for goat.

I’m wiped, it’s not even 8pm and I’m ready for bed…. So off I go.

I May Be Sane Now... Maybe.

Well, now that I’m in a better state of mind, I feel as if I can write about what’s been going on. Yesterday was incredibly overwhelming, hence the fact that I only wrote in list-style. Yesterday was the Big Bang. Yesterday was the “Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.” Yesterday was the epiphany that I was actually in Africa. Maybe it had to do with the fact that four of us were dropped off at this random village, surrounded by several children. We turned to look back at our bus as it sped down the dusty road and on to the next village… I can only imagine what our faces looked like.

I used the latrine! I made sure to bring my can of bug spray with me and attacked those neon-green flies the second they came out. Rather interesting, actually. And when I have to go numero dos, or have to 7667, or ‘doughnut’, I throw on my headphones and just hang out. That way, I don’t hear everyone having conversations in mandinka around me and forget that there are people gardening less than 2 feet away. Yikes! It’s a lot harder than it seems, let me tell you!

I talked with Liz and Marnie last night. My compound is the middle destination point between all three of our villages. Marnie is under a mile from me [thank you Jesus!] and Liz is about 3 miles in the other direction. I think Liz is going to bike over tomorrow, we have a lot of free time and all three of us seem to be a little overwhelmed, to say the least.

I can’t get over putting bleach in my water. I was told it’s the same as drinking pool water, but I don’t go out and dunk my head under the chlorinated pool and guzzle. I know I need to start drinking more but…. Yechhhh!!

The bed net. I don’t even know where to go from there. I dreamt all night that I was in a coffin. We’ll just leave it at that.

Today has been super mellow. We ate breakfast together [my family made rice with peanuts! I LOVED IT. It tastes like the oatmeal I ate every morning in radiation!]. Then Brendan, Whitney, Tammy and I walked to Kwinella with Kate [she is a PCV who is approaching completion of service next week]. Kwinella is about a mile’s walk and the scenery is beautiful. I took pictures so be ready for me to post some soon!

I am incredibly thankful to my host family, even though they cannot understand a word I say to them. I live right next to the cook of the Peace Corps, so my meals are AMAZING. Ps. It’s just like National Geographic here, if you get my drift. I am totally going to be walking around topless soon. Just you wait!!!!

Well, I’m going to go out into the heat and find my family to see if I can practice more of my language skills. Wish me luck… as I am sure I will need it. Miss all of you so much!!!!

First Night in Village

November 14th, 2008

Things That I Learned On My First Day in a Real Village:

1. Bed nets do not work. Tuck them under your mattress all you want… be prepared to share your sheets with a few spideys and other interesting creatures.
2. You are a foolish Toubab. It doesn’t matter that you’ve graduated college with a bachelor’s degree and can spell anything in the world; the fact of the matter is, you have no idea what these people are saying to you and you pee everywhere BUT in the latrine. Epic failure.
3. Do not eat your dinner on the floor. Do not continue chewing your rice if you bite into something crunchy… it is not a spare bean, it is not an undercooked piece of rice, it is a BEETLE and it is NOT how you should be getting your protein.
4. Cockroaches can fly. Most of the time, directly at you.
5. Inviting the local children into your house once means they will come in whenever they want, whether you are attempting a bucket bath or not.
6. Why would they call it a bucket bath if you can’t fit into the bucket? Splashing water on yourself really doesn’t constitute as bathing. Oh well… swipe on a few more things of Secret and you should be good to go for the time being.
7. Don’t wear tampons [this one coming from Whitney]. They will become lodged inside you and the string will suddenly disappear. You will attempt fishing it out and then your language professor will walk in. Try explaining that one.
8.You will be joyously happy one minute and the next you will be sitting underneath your bed net that doesn’t really net the bugs crying. Hysterically. Convinced you are crazy. Listening to Brandy and KCi and JoJo and other depressingly sickeningly old school songs.
9. When the nurse tells you to filter your water and then put 2 drops of bleach into it, that doesn’t mean dump in the whole bottle, causing your water to be sweet AND warm and ultimately poisoning you.
10. Convincing yourself that you can do this, that you can stay and go through this amazingly terrifying experience will be the hardest thing you can do. Lean on those who have gone through it before. Text and call your neighboring PCT’s. Share your fears about this blasted latrine. Or better yet, just conquer it. In my case, the most regular person in the world, I cannot go. I just can’t do it. Lord help me when I get dysentery.

Brown Town

Well, I'm here! It has taken me forever and a day to get to a computer/phone. I have been soooo busy but it's incredibly wonderful here. For a place that's incredibly hot, I truly feel at home. Strange? I miss the snow!

Let's see if I can recap these past few days quickly. There are only 4 computers here and I have 5 people waiting.

Brussels airport is CRAZY. We got there early, had a 4 hour layover, no one wanted to tell us what we were doing and by the time we figured everything out, we had 30 minutes. For you who don't want to hear this, toughen up: I had the runs like no tomorrow [stupid cheese lasagna in a box from Belgium... HONESTLY!]. The bathroom stalls there are separate rooms... VERY cool.

Get into Gambia finally, it's about 100 degrees [no lie]. The airport is INSANE, lots of Gambian men talking to you, they want you to be their wives and take your luggage. Very intense.

[RANDOM but the people in the room just mentioned it... could someone please tell my dad that spam is a delicacy here??? I've had it like 6 times. I wish I was kidding!Thanks.]

We arrived at the hotel [GPI - it's for missionaries, we have toilets but no TP... just water kettles. I DONT THINK SO... made friends fast with Marnie who has a whole suitcase full of the goods]. My roommate is super super nice and from Ohio. In fact, everyone is SO nice.

Okay.... basically these past few days have been intense language training. I try to sleep as much as I can but we are up at 6:30am and go straight until 8:30pm [which is when dinner ends]. They try to give us 2 hours of personal time a day but it doesn't really work... or hasn't yet.

Yesterday we went to a reptile farm which was SO cool, lots of huge snakes, turtles, and lizards. OH! Lizards are EVERYWHERE! They're the Gambian version of squirrels, I'm convinced. I'm going to catch one... when I told the guard that at GPI, he yelped and said, "You crazy! They bite!"

We went to the beach on Sunday which was amazing. Took lots of beautiful pictures and have two new nicknames from the boys in the group: Brown Town and Olive Goodness. There's a girl here, Liz, who is part cherokee, Irish, Scottish, and English with a little bit of Mexican. We get along really really well!

Today we went to the market and it was NUTS. A man came up to me trying to sell me a shirt... let's see if I can do this in true Kasey story-telling fashion:

man: Ohhhhh hello nice lady, nice lady. You want to buy nice shirt?
me: uhhh, no thanks.
man: So nice! Looks, so green! [it was hideous. HIDEOUS. I wouldn't SLEEP in this shirt.]
me: I'm sorry but I won't wear that.
man: What about your boyfriend?
me: My boyfriend wouldn't wear that either.
[at this point, David is overhearing our conversation *the big brother of the group* and goes:]
David: Yeah, I wouldn't wear that.
man: Oh, you are her boyfriend?
David: Yes.
man: You are so lucky! I see she is very special. If you miss out on her, you are missing a diamond!
David: Oh yes, I know. She is sooo special.

At this point, I am trying to run AWAY from the man and he follows me.
man: NICE LADY! nice lady with the boyfriend, please buy my shirt! You will be more special if you buy my shirt!

It was borderline nuts but I have loved every minute I have spent here. My only fear is I am missing so much at home. I miss my friends and family so much, it's insane.

By the way, have some requests for LETTERS and toilet paper. Please, please save me from the latrine that I will be facing on Friday.

I am learning Mandinka and have learned so much already! I would type it out but they have funky letters and you probably wouldn't be able to pronounce it anyway but.... welcome or hello is: Salaammaleekum.

My number is: 011 220 706 0791 if anyone wants to call me. I get my phone tomorrow because the one I ordered off pricego.org is TERRIBLE. I GET FREE INCOMING CALLS. If you can call me at least just to get one of my eleven calling cards, I will give you their numbers! SERIOUSLY. Starting tomorrow!!!

I miss you all so much. I have written entirely too much and taken up way too much time but will try to get on here as soon as I can.

Love you all,
Kase

[ps. Greg- super cute PCV here whose boyfriend just broke up with him. We are talking SMOKIN and fantastic. You need to find a way to call me/come visit.]

The Land of Rocky Balboa

Well, I made it to Philadelphia! It's currently 9:50am and I have been up since a little before 5. The drive to the airport was fine. I squished myself into Marsey's car and we pretty much rode in silence. Not a lot of tears once we got to Portland; just send me on my way. When I put my bags up on the scale, I was in shock; 140lbs COMBINED! That's more than my entire body weight. I think I was still sleep-deprived, as I passed out before the airplane was in the air and I woke up drooling as we were landing. I am also pretty sure I had been snoring [which NEVER happens], as my mouth was wide open and the old man next to me was staring in horror at the drool smeared across my face.

But anyway.

Navigating through the Philadelphia Airport was interesting. I could not for the life of me find the Holiday Inn Shuttle, I couldn't walk more than 10 feet without stopping to take a breather [thanks, luggage]. So, I attempted to 'hail a taxi'. Yeah. Right. 

Next thing I know, I'm struggling to heave my large bag off the sidewalk towards a taxi when this angry taxi driver crawls out of his car behind me and starts yelling at the cab driver who is helping me. Seen the movie 40 Year Old Virgin? Picture the old guy who works at the store with him who is always saying he doesn't wear a turban on his head and doesn't walk around saying, "Do you want a slurpy?" Except this man had a turban. And my cab driver was Jamaican.

Needless to say, funny yet borderline uncomfortable.

I get to the hotel safely [$29 later!!!!! On top of the $100 mum dished out at the airport for my obese baggage]. I paid the nice taxi driver and tipped him a little extra; "hey lady, this bag is really heavy!" Yes, I know, I see the beads of sweat popping out on your forehead and my arms are still burning.

I got stuck in the circular doors. Does anyone realize how embarrassing this is? IT STOPPED MOVING. I started panicking and this nice Australian man wiggled my 'lighter' bag through the crack and carried it in for me while I tried to shove the doors ahead and push my black bag in. Seriously, I'm going to be in big trouble once I get to Belgium.

Did I mention that the first thing I notice about my hotel is that it's located directly adjacent to the Philadelphia Fire Department? Wonder who that immediately reminded me of. Goodness, I'll be missing you something awful.

Well, it's time for me to find some food [perhaps smooshed pumpkin bread? oatmeal creme pie crumbs?] and attempt to rearrange all my luggage. My goal is to find 40lbs to transfer and stuff into 2 backpacks.

Wish me luck...

xox Kase

Night Before Departure

Well, my first time writing a blog... and what a time to begin! My mum has just stomped upstairs and demanded I finish packing. Whenever I walk into her room and see all my stuff littered on her floor [and NOT in my open suitcase], I get this stab of nostalgia. I have to keep telling myself, I can do this, I can leave everything I know and love to enter a country where I'm going to be surrounded by complete strangers.

They will become family, I know that.

I will be up bright and early tomorrow morning to make my 7am flight to Philly. Saying farewell to my sister and mother is going to be killer.

Signing off now, Jo is on her way over as well as my dad, and so the goodbye's begin! Wish me luck...

xox

Kase